Madison's First Birthday Is Tomorrow.

Oh my gosh.

Madison's first birthday is tomorrow.

I don't want to believe it's actually happening. This time last year, I was actually saying the same thing "I don't want to believe it's actually happening." My doctor induced me due to gestational high blood pressure at 39 weeks. Not sure if all of you moms can relate, but I have to say, I was just hours away from the scariest day of my life and I didn't even know what I was scared of. I was a nervous wreck my entire pregnancy, having a human being removed from my body wasn't something I was ever looking forward to and having a scheduled time and day to when it's going to happen left me restless.

But, all in all, it was the least painful thing I've ever experienced, thanks to the epidural of course (yes, I am a wimp). After almost two emergency c-sections and 30 minutes of pushing, she came out healthy as can be, at 6 pounds 4 ounces and a whole 18 inches long. I remember when they placed her on me (and it wasn't as beautiful as you guys think i'm about to make it). I literally patted her, like a dog. What was I suppose to do with her? Look at her? Feed her? Change her diaper? (oh wait, she isn't wearing one yet) I was lost, and Alex was too.

We thought we were in for a ride when she started crying, but that lasted about two seconds once she fell asleep. We were lucky, Madison was an easy newborn. She slept through the night after 6 days of being home but that doesn't mean we did. We would wake up every 2 - 3 hours for probably a month to make sure she was still breathing when the doctors kept addressing the importance of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) to us.

The anxiety of being a new parent is difficult and at least for me, it's only gotten more difficult.

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